2021 was hard. 2021 pushed me to my limits. 2021 tried to break me, but it failed.
In a lot of ways, it was more challenging than 2020. (See blog ).
I was faced with the reality of my new “forever”.
I’m trying to forget what life was before everything fell apart. I hope this flare is done with me, but I’m pretty sure this flare will go on forever (only being *slightly* sarcastic, but it’s been over 26 months so can you really blame me?) Frankly pre-flare Carli doesn’t exist anymore.
This Carli, can’t walk, can’t get up or move independently, can’t ride in your car, or visit your house. She can’t use the bathroom or roll over in bed or reach the bread off the shelf or get herself a glass of water. Her independence is reliant on others and her bladder (aka how long I can be out of the house).
I’m learning how to live with that. I have to accept this new reality, no matter how much I don’t want to. This is the situation I’m dealing with & as much as I hate it, it is what it is. I’m done with the “lasts”- it’s time I start living my new reality.
1 million problems,
2 million things I’m dealing with
& 7 million things that need my attention.
Medically, were looking for answers & relief. We’re looking for new medicines, new therapy’s, new equipment, new devices… ANYTHING.
Emotionally, I’m dealing with the permanency of all the new. It’s caused a lot of problems with my underlying anxiety & depression. I knew there would come a point in my life that I’d have to deal with mobility loss, I just never wanted to think about it (but I wasn’t completely unaware that this would someday happen). Nobody wants to face that at 25 my body is failing me- and I still have 75+ years left to live (haha, jk probably not that long).
Physically, I’m trying to accept my new body. I’m not happy with how I look. I’m not happy with the new bone left behind. I’m not happy with the way my body is stuck (it’s seriously as uncomfortable as it looks).
I’m healing the best I can, I just don’t handle change well.
I promised myself I’d get my s#*+ together in 2021- and it didn’t quite happen. And ya know what? That’s okay.
I’m not thriving, but I’m here & that’s good enough.
2021 wasn’t all bad. This year I’ve….
- Started my Red Aspen business
- And subsequently met my soulmate, my other half, & forever best friend. Love you longtime, Lynds.
- Became “Aunt Carli”- my favortie “promotion” so far.
- Spoke on the iFOPa Advocacy Series about my medical journal that I live by
- Became a Cat Mom & I’m obsessed with my boy.
- My mom got a new Canine Companions Puppy- Nicolette
2021 reassured me. I’m not there yet, but I’ll get there.
2022, I’m ready for you…. I think, Maybe?