The “College Experience” That Wasn’t

I guess my college experience was different than most. I’ve never once had the feeling of wanting college to never end, in fact, it’s the exact opposite- I couldn’t wait.

I fought my fought my way through the longest and hardest four years of my life. Life kept knocking me down and kept making it harder and harder to get up- it got to a point where I just stayed down. I expected the bad, I expected the pain and suffering—it was easier, and I was used to it.

I wanted the college experience, but after the first year and a half, I realized it wasn’t in the cards for me. I learned that the four years in college were only meant to teach me that I am stronger than anything life throws my way.

I struggled mentally with the change of college. I wasn’t with people have known me since I was five, I didn’t know the teachers, and worst of all, I didn’t have either of my partners in crime (my best friend or service dog). I was out of my comfort zone, and it was a mental hump I was never really able to overcome. I suffered many different symptoms of anxiety and depression. I needed a change, so I switched schools & moved into a dorm- worst mistake of my life. I spiraled even deeper into a dark hole.

Again, I made a change. I got my new partner in crime & I started a new school [third times a charm, right?]. It helped a little, but I was still stuck in a rut, and now I’ve added some tough physical challenges into the mix.

I wasn’t happy with myself- physically or mentally- but I accepted that. College taught me just how strong I was- mentally and physically. I learned that it wasn’t going to get better during my four years in college, and once I finished my second year, I accepted the fact. I changed my focus from living the “college life” to living the “Carli Life”—a life about pain, struggle, and mental toughness, with a lot of sass thrown into the mix. I learned that life couldn’t knock me down, no matter how hard it tried.

College changed me; both good and bad. But this isn’t a sad story- just simply the story of a girl who won’t take no shit. A girl who told life to throw whatever it’s got at me. I just might have forgot to tell them that I have a baseball bat ready to swing for the fences, so they better be ready to play hard-ball.

 

 

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